"This is your Captain speaking..."

So, what's the funniest thing you've heard a Captain or FO say in an announcement?

I used to know a pilot who would frequently use this line: "Good morning ladies and gentleman, this is your Captain speaking....well [chuckles], I'm not really a Captain, I just stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night!"

 

"Thank you for flying Southwest today, we know you have many choices when you fly, such as United... but if you prefer to pay more than you have to, the crew takes all donations"

 

I always like when the FA's announce that the plane is heading to "X" destination.... if "X" is not your destination, well... now it is!

 

Not a captain but on a christmas-day flight from ADL to PER a few years back the voiceover from the FA at the start of the flight went a little something like this:

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to your Virgin Blue flight through to Perth. We would like to remind you all that smoking onboard is a feral offence."

Freudian?

 

I had a FA a few months back where all of her in-flight announcements were jokes, including:

• Introducing our captain and FO as Charles Lindbergh and Manfred von Richtoffen, respectively.
• Inspecting the cabin to make sure our seatbelts were fastened and that our shoes matched our outfits.
• If you were in an exit row and were unwilling or unable to assist, there was a seat for you on the wing with a nice breeze.
• Turning down the lights in the cabin to enhance the beauty of the FAs.

The pax all got a kick out of this.

 

I've never witnessed someone getting on the wrong plane, but I have witnessed a couple people who were on thru flights, didn't get off at their stop and ended up at the wrong destination! Alcohol was always involved.

 

She sounds awesome! What airline was this?

 

Mum and I remember being told something along the lines of 'passengers on the left can see Honolulu. Passengers on the right can see the backs of people heads'. This was on Qantas! We thought it was great.

 

The one I heard semi-recently was a UA FO saying that the delay in pushing back was due to the baggage folks still running the checked bags through the machine that scuffs up your bags and cuts off name tags (something like that).

I appreciate the attempts at humor, but only in smaller doses. Because, after awhile you're going to run out of material.

 

AA

 

We hard a hard landing,,,,a voice came over the speaker: just to let you know...the first officer was the pilot in control !

 

"We are going to make like Red Bull and give you guys some wings"

 

Most outstanding was when grandson,4,was taken up to the cockpit during a delay at the gate in MIA.Captain showed him everything,placed the First Officers cap on his head then handed him the mike-to hear this little voice saying"This is your Captain speaking'was priceless.AA at the end of 2006.

 

Hahhaah I imagine there would have been some slightly concerned PAX that day!