Suspenders keep you in suspension

Discussion in 'Travel Security' started by Dovster, Feb 28, 2011.  |  Print Topic

  1. Dovster
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    Dovster Gold Member

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    You never know what is going to happen when you go through a TSA checkpost wearing suspenders.

    Until last October, I never had the slightest problem wearing them. The tiny bit of metal in them never set off an alarm. In fact, it still never does -- in Israel or in Europe. In the States, however, it is a different story. I suspect that when the TSA made it a federal offense to wear a belt it also increased the sensitivity of the metal detectors.

    The first two times I wore my suspenders I was given a complete feel up. The next time, they did not ring. The time after that, I told them in advance I was wearing suspenders and asked to go through the Nude-O-Scope. They alllowed that and I wasn't felt up.

    On this trip, so far, I was allowed into the Nude-O-Scope and then given a shortened pat down (my chest and top of my back only) and, a second time, when I asked for a Nude-O-Scope (BTW, they don't like that term or "feeling up") I was told it wasn't working. They asked if I am willing to take them off (unlike belts, there is no such requirement for suspenders) and I told them, "No. That is a PITA -- it will take less time for you to feel me up."

    The last time, I was in no hurry so when they told me I was going to get felt up, I agreed but asked for a female screener to do so. In fact, I pointed to the one I preferred. I explained that if I had to be felt up I might as well enjoy it.

    I was told that pat downs are only done by members of the same sex. I told them this was unfair to heterosexuals. If gay men and lesbians can get a free feel up from the gender they prefer, I should be allowed the same right.

    That argument didn't seem to impress them very much, I did, however, see a flicker of surprise on the screener's face when I asked him, "Do you have any idea of how much pleasure you are giving gay men every day?"

    He told me that "We don't actually touch anyone's privates" but, during the screening, when the top of his hand did, indeed, reach my "junk" I pointed that out and said that if I were gay that would be enough to give me a hard on.

    An older screener (a supervisor?) had listened to my earlier conversation and watched my feel up and couldn't control himself from breaking into loud laughter when he saw the shocked reaction on the screener's face when I said that to him.
     
  2. misman
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    misman Gold Member

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    LOL!
     
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  3. Captain Oveur
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    Captain Oveur Gold Member

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    I really need to rendez-vous and have a beer with you someday.
     
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  4. sobore
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    sobore Gold Member

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    note to self: no more Dovster threads[​IMG]
     
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  5. Canarsie
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    Canarsie Gold Member

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    I just had lunch with the Dovster today, in fact.

    I only found out about this thread after he told me to look for it...so here I am!
     
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  6. Sam
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    Sam Silver Member

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    You, Sir, are hilarious [​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]
     
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  7. ACEDAD
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    ACEDAD Silver Member

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    Classic. My wife has said she doesn't want to fly until Richard Branson develops a "nude only" airline.
     
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  8. Travel2Food
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    Travel2Food Silver Member

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    Perfect way to handle it.

    My wife says she wouldn't mind the grope if "the screener doing it is George Clooney or his clone"....
     
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  9. monster
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    monster Silver Member

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    Would that be George Cloney?
     
  10. misman
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    misman Gold Member

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    booo hissss [​IMG]
     
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  11. lisamcgu
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    lisamcgu Gold Member

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    Okay, this one wins the award for the funniest, most laugh out loud post I have ever read!
     
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  12. rggale
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    rggale Gold Member

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    Funny thread, OP. Sad and funny, but also true.

    In so many ways, I wish we could go back in time before any groping or any scanning other than the WTMD.
     
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  13. lisamcgu
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    lisamcgu Gold Member

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    This thread is just too funny not to bump every now and then :D
     

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