[Joke] Continental Airlines Announces Revised BusinessFirst Seating Policy for Lagos

Discussion in 'United Airlines | MileagePlus' started by HeathrowGuy, Oct 3, 2011.  |  Print Topic

  1. HeathrowGuy
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    HeathrowGuy Gold Member

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    Continental Airlines Announces Revised BusinessFirst Seating Policy for New Service to Lagos
    From November 2011, Continental Airlines will initiate service from our Houston hub to Lagos, Nigeria, our first-ever African destination.* To accommodate the market realities of service to Lagos, Continental is revising some of its BusinessFirst seating policies. The changes will apply only to passengers traveling on CO operated IAH-LOS and LOS-IAH segments; customers flying on UA/OA operated flights to/from/via LOS will be covered by the usual seating policies.

    Under the revised policy, OnePass and MileagePlus Elites will be required to pay a surcharge in order to be seated in the BusinessFirst cabin. The surcharge requirement will apply to CO and UA Elite members flying on all ticket types, including revenue, OnePass, and MileagePlus award tickets previously confirmed in BusinessFirst. The surcharge must be paid ONLY in cash at the check-in counter on the day of departure. Reservations agent will be unable to collect the surcharge. Agents MUST stamp the boarding pass of each passenger who has paid the surcharge, or else the passenger will be required to pay the surcharge a second time at the boarding gate. Passengers who are overcharged for the BusinessFirst seating surcharge will be required to contact CO Reservations in Lagos and provide bank account information for refund processing.

    The following surcharge will apply per passenger, in each direction of travel:

    MileagePlus 1K/Global Services: $1500
    OnePass Presidential Platinum Elite: $1200
    MileagePlus Premier Executive: $900
    OnePass Platinum Elite: $800
    OnePass Gold Elite: $700
    MileagePlus Premier: $600
    OnePass Silver Elite: $500
    *This entire post is a prank meant in good humor. Hope you had a good laugh!
     
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  2. Scottrick
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    Scottrick Gold Member

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    Until I scrolled down, I kept thinking "WTF? WTF?" Not because I fly to Lagos, but just because of the ridiculousness. Surcharges for everyone? In cash? Even when departing a US airport? If that was for real, it would be an awful precedent for other routes, and I can just imagine the screams of people calling for SMI/J's head.
     
  3. 2wheels

    2wheels Silver Member

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    I too, was scratching my head, wondering why they were screwing elites, especially after the "You are what you pay" discussions of a few days/weeks ago. :eek: But now that I understand it, its funny. It would be even better if UAInsider had posted it :)
     
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  4. Scottrick
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    Scottrick Gold Member

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    Well, HeathrowGuy's "avatar" looks official enough. I didn't pay attention to the name.
     
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  5. Seacarl
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    Seacarl Gold Member

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    I am the long lost brother of HeathrowGuy. We have been granted the concession to collect the LOS surcharge, and we are looking for a partner to help us to transfer the money to a safe bank. We will pay a 15% fee for your assistance in this service. If you are interested, please send me your bank account name, routing number and account number.
     
  6. Canadi>n
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    Canadi>n Gold Member

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    Wouldn't this have been better off posted on April 1st? Posting false and misleading information intentionally should be a breach of the TOS and HeathrowGuy should be suspended immediately! This serious undermines the creditability of this site and should not be tolerated by the managers of this site.
     
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  7. Ygor
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    Ygor Gold Member

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    Does the TOS have an April 1st exception? ;) Or is it just your judgement that it is ok to post pranks then (when everyone is expecting it, and no one falls for it..)
    Lighten up, dude.
     
  8. kyunbit
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    kyunbit Silver Member

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    Oh now I know how those Nigerians that email me have such huge inheritance. They simply loot UA/CO counters in LOS :D
     
  9. Gtitan
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    Gtitan Gold Member

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    Will they serve "SPAM" on the these flights? ;):D
     
  10. demkr
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    demkr Silver Member

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    This assumes, of course, that every seat isn't upsold to a non-elite at the gate!
     
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  11. DeacFlyer1
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    DeacFlyer1 Silver Member

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    99% sure Canadi>n's post was a parody. With the thread title containing "Joke" and the disclaimer that "the entire post was a prank made in good humor", I don't see how it could be otherwise.
     
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  12. 2wheels

    2wheels Silver Member

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    The joke tag and the disclaimer were added well after the fact, actually. When I and Canadi>n replied, it did look like an 'official' release.
     
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  13. kwidhalm
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    kwidhalm Gold Member

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    For what it's worth I thought this was amusing. I don't think having a sense of humor is grounds for suspension......but heck, what do I know?!?
     
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  14. Flyer1976
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    Flyer1976 Gold Member

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    I thought this was amusing and befitting =D Lighten up people it's just the interwebz.
     
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  15. DeacFlyer1
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    DeacFlyer1 Silver Member

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    Gotcha...but even your post (the second response in the thread) recognized it was a joke...so I'm still going to go with Canadi>n posting a parody, since no one would actually call for someone to be immediately banned and that the credibility of the site was seriously undermined by a post like that.
     
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  16. Ygor
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    Ygor Gold Member

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    I will give Canadi>n the benefit of the doubt, and if he was joking, my sincere apologies. If not, he needs some xanax. :D
     
  17. Jimgotkp
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    Jimgotkp Gold Member

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    This was quite funny :p
     
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  18. JohnDeere19
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    JohnDeere19 Gold Member

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    Well played!
     
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  19. upgrade

    upgrade Gold Member

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    This applies only to flight 419, right?
     
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  20. KVS

    KVS Z Representative

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  21. jupper
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    jupper Silver Member

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    CO Currency was accepted I heard... :)
     
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  22. Seacarl
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    Seacarl Gold Member

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    Sorry for your mistake. We only accept a hard currency with no expiration date
     
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  23. jupper
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    jupper Silver Member

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    I still have a bunch of those left, as for hard, I have some starch somewhere as well... Now, how to explain that "starched CO currency" to CBP/TSA... :) Then again, heading to LOS, that'd be one of the more less interesting things I guess... :)
     
  24. Seacarl
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    Seacarl Gold Member

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    We could laminate them, like our Alaska Upgrade Certificates
     
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  25. jupper
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    jupper Silver Member

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    Don't they do that to GS drink chits already ? :)
     
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