Corrupt a Wish Foundation

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Funtodoimpossible, Feb 21, 2011.  |  Print Topic

  1. Funtodoimpossible
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    Funtodoimpossible Gold Member

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    The Monkey's Paw is a horror short story. In the story, the paw of a dead monkey is a talisman that grants its possessor three wishes, but the wishes come with an enormous price for interfering with fate, by the wish being fulfilled in the worst possible way. For example in the story, the holder wishes for £200 on the Monkey's Paw. Their son is killed by machinery at his company, and they receive compensation of £200 granting the wish.

    I invite you to attempt to grant the wish posted above yours, staying 100% faithful to the literal request, but in the worst possible way against the spirit/intention of the poster or with otherwise worst possible outcomes. Being creative and a little bit devious helps :)

    Then post your own wish, being as airtight as possible.
    Rules:
    1. Exactly one wish and one granting per post.
    2. Wishes and grants must be approximately 140 characters of English. (Anyone can write an airtight wish in an unlimited amount of space.)
    3. No wishing for anything of better than a wish (e.g. more wishes, ability to grant wishes, etc).
    4. You are ominpotent to fulfill (and pervert) the preceding wish.
    5. Grant MUST actually fulfill the wish as stated.
    Example:
    WISH: I wish I had a million dollars.
    GRANTED: Through a series of unfortunate events, you have been mistaken for a bank robber and given 1 million dollars and have been arrested for grand larceny.

    Have fun!

    WISH: Wired and wireless hi-speed internet is now really fast & free to all.
     
    edenri and mowogo like this.
  2. mowogo
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    mowogo Gold Member

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    Granted:However all ads are now beamed directly into your brain, and any ad blocking techniques are outlawed.
    Wish: 3 Billion Frequent Flyer Miles
     
  3. alex0683de
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    alex0683de Silver Member

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    Granted: However, due to runaway inflation (mostly through credit-card offers), UA has realigned their award charts will now charge you 5 billion miles for a Y award from ORD to CLE. One-way, naturally.

    Wish: I wish I would win one of those iPads!
     
  4. Funtodoimpossible
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    Funtodoimpossible Gold Member

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    Granted: You gain the ability to alter random number generators so you win the iPad. You don't stop there are are suddenly winning contest after contest, so many infact you attract the attention of certain government entities that give you an offer you can't refuse to come work for them, never to see the light of day again.

    Wish: There was a cure for the common cold.
     
  5. MSPeconomist
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    MSPeconomist Gold Member

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    Granted: The cure for the common cold is the electric chair. To prevent the spread of disease, the government declares that all victims of the common cold shall be executed.

    Wish: Babies no longer scream on airplanes.
     
  6. FWFDAN
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    FWFDAN Silver Member

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    Granted: Babies no longer scream, but the lack of screaming has unexplainably caused them to emit a foul smelling, green gaseous cloud that brings tears to your eyes.

    Wish: My neighborhood would somehow get back to its former selfrespecting, law abiding postition in the city.
     
    edenri likes this.
  7. edenri
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    edenri Silver Member

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    Granted: Your neighborhood is now so law abiding and self respecting, they need to have you removed.

    Wish: That one of these fare mistakes work for me one day
     

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